Home

One day I would like to conduct some research into how people feel about where they are from. Where is home? What do they like about it? What do they not like? Why do they stay? Why do they leave?

A benefit of my studies at Concordia is meeting people from many different places: Newfoundland, Germany, France, Los Angeles, Pittsburgh, etc. Most people, to varying degrees, have an attachment to their place of origin. Often, you can simply see it in their eyes when they discuss it. The enthusiasm and feeling of pride in describing the place.

Me, I become rather emotionally on edge when I must talk about where I am from. I find myself intermittently becoming angry or defensive. Or just laughing in a way that attempts to make light of past hurt.

For one, I am not even sure how to say where I am from anymore. I can say, Edmonton Alberta, but then people go, yes, but where are you REALLY from? Then I will say England. But what am I supposed to say about England? Its influence on me becomes increasingly irrelevant with time. I do not feel English.

I do not feel Albertan. Never did.

I certainly feel Canadian. I made a conscious choice to obtain my citizenship because I do feel an attachment to the country.

But then, beyond that, what does one say? I am reluctant to speak of England as if I were speaking FOR the English, or to speak of Alberta or Edmonton on behalf of those who live there. It is unfair to do so. If I speak negatively of Edmonton I try to explain that this is only my personal impression. For many people, Edmonton must be THE place to be. Right now.

I suppose I must admit to a bit of jealousy towards those who would willingly "go home" after their time in Montreal. Because for me, that just does not seem like an option. It would feel like defeat. It is not home. It never became home. I already feel more attachment and pride in Montreal than I ever felt in Edmonton.

And I take comfort that I am not alone in this. I have two good friends who are ex-Edmontonians. Talking of Edmonton reduces us to rage or other forms of emotional distress. It is as if the city has scarred us. It is very odd. I don't know of any people so adversely affected by their "home" town. How did this happen?

Montreal is grey and gloomy right now -- has been for days. Still I love it, I love it, I cannot get enough of it. I looked at my circle of new friends yesterday gathered together and thought "I wish this could continue forever. All of us in Montreal until we get old."

I felt sentimental and went home. I missed my girlfriend intensely. If she were here, life would be perfect.

What people do for entertainment

Yesterday I was on Crescent Street for a short while, long enough to realize that this is the arse end of Montreal. I saw the spectacle of young toughs swinging punches and wrestling each other on the ground. Both sides had sought out such an adventure. I saw the episode from its very inception to its very end.

It was about two in the morning. My friend and I were sitting in a quiet cafe. There was a group of very drunk youngsters mere paces away -- girls and boys. We went outside so my friend could smoke. Some minor disturbance happened on the street right in front of us. I think it had something to do with somebody puking and falling over. All I know is that people were standing around making fun of the scene. Tough #1 detached himself from the group in the cafe and stormed out and immediately started verbally sparring with Tough #2. It was something to do with respect.

"Don't you have any respect, you fucking faggot?" he said.

He was obviously not looking to diffuse the situation. Nor was Tough #2. So the fight was on. The battle headed to the pavement fairly quickly, neither combatant being too steady on his feet. They rolled around for quite some time. The apparent girlfriend of Tough #1 stepped in gingerly at one point and tried to kick the head of Tough #2 with her pointy shoe. A friend wisely pulled her away and told her to stay out of it. Then a friend of Tough #2 tried to get involved but found himself thrown against a car by a friend of Tough #1.

When at last the fight was over, Tough #1 had no shirt. This displeased him. "Where's my fucking shirt?" he yelled. Likeminded toughs from across the street were jeering and taunting him but no further fighting ensued. Not that we saw. The spectacle having reached its end, we decided to leave.

What a seedy, sketchy walk it was up Ste Catherine. Nothing shocking to those familiar with Whyte Avenue in Edmonton, but disconcerting all the same.

About fifteen minutes later, I was in a cab headed back to Verdun, chatting with a driver from Chateauroux, France, which is a mere 50 kms from where my brother lives. He talked about going to dances in the countryside when he was young. Then we talked about the English who buy up property all over France because they love the food and the life. He left me at rue Galt, my street, just outside the restaurant, le Belle Province, where a few remaining customers were huddled inside over video lottery machines, placing their final bets.

Wine, Whine

Yesterday I attended a party at the Canadian Centre of Architecture. I met several of my classmates there. All of Montreal's youngest and beautifullest were out in force, enjoying the free wine and music. I found it quite remarakable that a crowd primarily composed of 20-25 year olds were given almost free rein over a cultural gem like the CCA, whilst being plyed with unlimited booze between 8 and 10pm. All in the name of art. Good heavens.

People in Montreal have struck me, to this point, as being extraordinarily polite, civilized, friendly and, well, mature. I can't imagine the aforementioned event being staged in Edmonton. Art shows happen in Edmonton. Sure. Booze is served. Sure. Sometimes for free. But the CCA had ADVERTISED free booze far and wide and literally hundreds of people showed up. And it did not turn into a shit show.

What is incredibly refreshing about Montreal is the relative lack of machismo among the male citizens of the city. I've realized that living in Edmonton has left me with the vestiges of the "fear culture" that holds sway there. Especially in more recent years, Edmontonians have become extraordinarily fearful and hostile towards one another. Encounters with strangers are strained, awkward affairs. People generally avoid casual encounters on the street. Men exude aggression as they swagger down Whyte Avenue on a sunny afternoon.

The vibe here is just so relaxed by comparison. Even homeless people seem integrated into the tolerant and pleasant life of the street. The other day, I saw a rather grimy homeless fellow sitting on a step on la rue Saint Denis. Along came a beautiful young blond woman and sat down next to him and struck up a conversation. As long as I've lived, I've never seen that sort of thing happen in any other city. My friends up on Mont Royal even invited a homeless person in to spend the night with them the other day. People simply don't have the fear of the homeless -- or any other kind of "other" -- in Montreal.

This is terrible to confess, but the more I fall in love with Montreal, the more I fall out of love with Edmonton (was I ever in love? No, I think I decided in the last post that I never was). I had sensed for years that people in big cities didn't have to behave in the fashion that I saw displayed around me. But sometimes I doubted myself. I thought, "I'm looking for a better way that simply doesn't exist."

But it does exist. In fact, I think Edmonton is the exception to the norm. I don't see the kind of routine nastiness that Edmontonians relish on display in towns such as, let's say, Vancouver.

What has happened in Edmonton? I just don't get it. Why have people fallen so in love with trucks, strip malls, ugliness, fighting, being stupid? Surely, in their private hearts, people don't enjoy this kind of life. Surely, the constant fear and the pressure to conform and be aggressive and macho and guarded takes its toll?

This weekend, my best friend leaves Edmonton. The numbers are ever-thinning.

I am fascinated to find out what Edmonton will be like in five to ten years. As much as I dislike the place, it's impossible for me to stop caring.

Another Week in Montreal

There have been several social occasions this weekend that I have avoided. I feel myself instinctively needing a “breather.” Adjusting to a new home is fun, but one is so filled with doubts and dreams and new thoughts that it’s useful to slow down and take stock of them.

One thing is very apparent. I love Montreal. I have realized that a relationship with a city is a bit like a relationship with a life partner. I judged Edmonton too harshly. Why? Because Edmonton was not right for me. It’s a lot like when you know a relationship is going to fail, you start seeing almost all the negative aspects of a person and find it hard to see the good.

So there. I owe Edmonton an apology. It wasn’t you. It was me.

Having said that, the more I realize that Montreal is RIGHT for me, the more I realize how very WRONG Edmonton was for me. When I walk around Montreal, I get this feeling of, “Where have you been all my life?”

One of Edmonton’s – indeed Alberta’s – biggest selling points is the vast, beautiful sky. Yes, it’s awfully impressive. It matches the vastness of the prairie. Two massive straight lines against which the achievements of humans appear rather puny.
There is nothing to match that sky in Montreal. Even on a sunny day, like today, the sky can’t match Alberta’s. Often, the clouds press in, the buildings loom over, and you feel smothered by all the things jostling for your attention.

The fact is, I like that. I do not revel in the open spaces. I like crowded spaces. Spaces with lots of levels. I really enjoy Montreal’s undulations – even the multi-layered freeways. I like the confusion and the great mess of it all. It feels natural and somehow, correct.

I forgive all of Montreal’s flaws, the same way, when you truly love someone, you do so in spite of the flaws. (It would be hypocritical not to. We’re all flawed.) So for example, when Montreal’s metro breaks down (which is surprisingly often), I just shrug my shoulders and say, with only mild annoyance, “C’est la vie.” Whereas in Edmonton, this sort of thing would have infuriated me.

So when I say I love Montreal, I mean that I love her even though there is a lot that is bland, ugly, clumsy, poorly planned and irritating. Because Montreal is also architecturally stunning, effortlessly beautiful, glamorously gritty, delightfully seedy, and, above all, sexy. There is no better word to sum her all up.

Today I walked from my home in Verdun and north-eastwards to Concordia’s downtown campus. I passed through nearly every kind of ugly and beautiful and in between that Montreal has to offer. Verdun is not considered one of Montreal’s prized neighbourhoods. Indeed, among some, it has a pretty bad reputation. But just up the road, on l’avenue de l’eglise, I found a huge church that I’d never seen before.



Then, I walked into the industrial zone, across which the Canal Lachine cuts its way with sparkling charm.



I passed the Atwater Market and into the St. Henri neighbourhood, a lot of it poor, but much of it picturesque.



I finally arrived at the downtown metro station which I pass through almost every day.



When I walk around Montreal, the city lifts my spirits. The continual surprises work on my emotional state and by the time I get to my destination, I feel like I’ve had an experience. There is even a sort of narrative to the walks.

All this, and I haven’t even mentioned how much nicer people are generally in Montreal. That is a post for another day!

The challenge this year is finding a way that I can stay here forever.

Montreal and Montpellier

What do Montreal and Montpellier, France, have in common besides their first four letters ? Well, from my scant acquaintance with each, both have very lively centres and lots of beautiful young people walking around, keeping things vibrant and dynamic. Montpellier is near the Mediterranean and numbers about 200,000 people. Montreal is on the Saint Lawrence and numbers close to 4 million. Both have decent public transit. Montreal’s Metro, current infrastructure problems notwithstanding, efficiently covers a large area of the city and is fast and clean. There are also buses and suburban commuter trains. Montpellier for its part has trams and buses.

When I visited Montpellier this summer, I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown because I was foolish enough to drive a car into the town centre. I have since discovered that Montpellier is doing everything possible to deter this. Their plans are working. So much of Montpellier’s centre is made up of pedestrian-only streets, one-way streets, dead ends, and tramway-dedicated streets, that to drive in a car is sheer lunacy. I am not exaggerating when I say that it took over two hours for me to simply find a way to get to the hotel where Monika and I were staying. We circled around it and around it, but the direct path to its door seemed unreachable. Even when we eventually did find the hotel, we found that there was no parking, so we had to retrace our steps to the Place de la Comedie, find underground parking (at a cost of $30 per night) and walk the rest of the way on foot.

The tone of this might sound a bit like a complaint. It isn’t. I am in complete admiration of what Montpellier has done. Indeed, Montreal isn’t even that pedestrian friendly.

For anyone who hasn’t driven in an old European city, It’s hard to describe just how utterly different it is from driving in, say, Edmonton, Alberta. The skill level required just to park and stay alive is vastly higher. If Edmonton drivers tried out half their crazy shit in Montpellier, they would be dead or in jail. Simply put, I think most North American cities have made driving in town too easy. Driving is not supposed to be a relaxing, pleasant experience – unless you’re out in the country, the part of the world where the motorized vehicle truly comes into its own. In cities, driving should be so stressful and difficult that you only do it if absolutely necessary.

Here is Montpellier’s tramway – a modern marvel in the historic town centre.

Back from France

The three weeks holiday in France appears to have performed exactly the calming spell on my spirits that I needed. Since arriving in Montreal on Monday I have been more relaxed than I've ever been in my life. It's unnerving how calm I've been. I almost feel like I could zone out whilst writing this. I could take a doze here in the library and that would be very pleasant, I think. However, it pays to remember that if I drooled on myself, it would be embarrassing.

There is simply not time today for me to catch up with all that's happened, all that I've thought and done in August. What a month! I'm going to try to post some photos from France and sort of catch up in stages during these next few weeks before my studies at Concordia get overwhelming.

For today, I've picked a random picture. Doesn't this look like parts of Alberta? But it is in fact a plain south of Millau, France. I took it simply because of the unexpected resemblance to the south of the province I called home not so long ago!

Farewell Fest

Tonight I am celebrating with friends my final weekend in town. If you've stumbled across this and a) know me! and b) haven't received an invite, check in at Remedy Cafe on 109 street and 87 avenue between the hours of 5pm and 7pm, or at Garneau Pub, also on 109 Street (and about 85 avenue) between the hours of 7pm and closing time.

I really feel no choice but to leave Edmonton at this time in my life, regardless of how well things have gone for me personally of late. There are too many things in this town -- mainly related to politics -- that drive me insane. For example, my girlfriend's rent was just hiked from $460 to $1,100. I find this sort of thing completely unacceptable. I can't live in a place where the government stands by and lets ordinary Albertans get screwed this way.

The other day I read that the majority of city council are AGAINST investing in a major interchange at 23rd avenue and Calgary Trail. These jokers will never get it. Ever. They want a world class city? Well, sitting on 23rd avenue waiting for a freight train to cross does not equate to "world class" city. No major city in the world would allow this.

I think Edmonton could safely claim to offer a high quality of life during the 1990s. But since the boom really took off, that quality of life has been seriously eroded. The city seems to have elected for unchecked profiteering at the expense of everything else. Vast sections of land have been given over to unchecked development. I am only being slightly hyperbolic when I say that to my eyes, South Edmonton Common signals the end of civilization.

Here's another one. The provincial government has given $7 million in grants to golf courses over the years. Now I know $7 million isn't a lot in the grand scheme of things, but the question is, why give a penny? In many respects, golf, friends, is a shameful, shameful sport. Having a course here and there is acceptable, but to deliberately support a sport that so intensively wrecks the environment with its exhaustive use of pesticides and energy sucking lawnmowers... it's just not on.

Also, the government has given $100 million to the horse racing industry. That's mainly down to the fact that our former premier, Ralph Klein, loved horse racing. Why didn't they simply stage a photo-op where they take a bag of taxpayers' money and give it directly to their friends?

That's how Alberta -- including Edmonton -- is run. It's the fiefdom of an ignorant elite who hold the majority of the populace in utter contempt. This Tory government is the same government that hired spies to monitor the activities of landowners who legitimately had concerns about power lines being built on their land. It's the same government that deliberately witheld information about their use of taxpayer-funded government aircraft until AFTER the 2004 provincial election. It's the same government that allowed Direct Energy to start advertising electricity contracts before being approved to enter the Alberta market. I know not all governments are on the up and up, but folks, these guys are the biggest crooks of the lot. And even if they weren't crooked, their sheer incompetence should have turfed them from office years ago. Look at this place. Does it look like one of the richest jurisdictions on the earth? No! Four months after the end of winter, there is still trash blowing around the back streets in the Whyte Avenue area. I passed three brick structures built for flowers this morning -- none of them had flowers, all of them had been smashed. All of them have been smashed for months -- maybe years -- and yet they are never fixed. When somebody visits from an actual "world class" city they must scarcely be able to believe their eyes. They must wonder, what did all these folks do with their money that they allow the streets to resemble the cratered landscape of the moon?

Oh dear. This is now turning into a helluva rent. In any case, I thought long and hard about moving -- I had good reasons to stay. But in the end, all the above reasons -- and more -- were what compelled me to leave. I am leaving Edmonton and Alberta because frankly, I've reached the limits of my patience for the place.

All that said, I have had some terrific opportunities here that I might not have had elsewhere. My over three years with the Liberal Opposition taught me a fantastic amount. Ditto my all-too-short stay at the Alberta Teachers' Association. And I met so many great people here. The contrary-minded in Edmonton are great people. There is a bit of solidarity built, I think, in having opinions seemingly so far off the norm. It's all these people I look forward to enjoying a drink with tonight.