Brad Pitt and the Rabbits

This is a story from quite a while back, from before this blog was started, but I thought it too exciting to keep to myself since it involves a CELEBRITY!

At the time, Brad Pitt was in town briefly, filming The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. I believe this film is being released this fall. I have a friend who has a friend who appears in this film so it was pretty exciting for me personally.

Anyway, the filming took place in Fort Edmonton Park. That day, I was walking around the river valley, doing, as is my wont, some pretentious activity called psychogeography. I had just witnessed the spectacle of some rather cute mammals called marmots frolicking on the river bank. If you’ve never seen a marmot, get thee to the Edmonton river valley post haste!

Anyway, with the memory of the marmots fresh in my mind, I turned then to see another mammal – this one larger, but in the minds of many women, far cuter.

Brad Pitt!

As you’d expect, he was wearing sunglasses so as to be inconspicuous. Ha! Inconspicuous? As if! There were two security people with him. What surprised me is that one was a man and the other was a woman. But you could tell that they were security people because both looked lean, tough and trained in highly effective fan-calming techniques.

It became clear that my solitary path was just about to cross that of Brad Pitt. Good grief! There he was, walking along, enjoying the weather, just like me.

Now, I could have blurted out the name of this friend-of-a-friend as some way of trying to establish a sort of distant kinship to the celebrity himself. But I didn’t want to do that. It seemed just the sort of thing that a snivelling celebrity-worshipper would do. I also contemplated just playing it cool and giving him a nod of my head and saying, “Hey Brad,” and then something like, “Looking forward to the new flick!”

But this feigned nonchalance also seemed pretentious in its own way.

I also contemplated saying nothing. But what the hell kind of story would it make for my friends if I said, “I passed Brad Pitt and then… and then… I did nothing!” I mean, come on! That’s like telling a very long joke without delivering a punch line.

So here’s what I did. And let me note in passing that while I actually spoke to Brad Pitt, we were so close that my shadow touched his. Our shadows briefly became two very elongated men engaged in a passionate smooch.

Me and Brad Pitt kissing!

(I anticipated how excited my girlfriend would be to know that, in a way, she too had kissed Brad Pitt by proxy.)

Anyway, here’s what I said to Brad Pitt – my one and only chance to speak to a world-famous celebrity:

“Excuse me, Mr. Pitt! What’s your favourite thing about Edmonton so far?”

Brad Pitt and his two security people stopped. Even though I was a total random stranger, the security people did not do anything to minimize my potential threat. They simply stared at me. Then the woman looked at Brad as if seeking his lead.

At that moment, from the long grass, a large rabbit emerged and dashed across the path about five feet from us. It was chased by another rabbit. Both rabbits’ noses were twitching violently. Brad Pitt looked at the rabbits and then turned to me.

In response to my question, he said, “The rabbits.”

He gave the kind of dazzling smile that only Brad Pitt can give. Oh, and maybe Matt Damon, I suppose, if we’re getting technical.

Our moment was over. His shadow pulled away from mine, the kiss ended, as well as my solitary brush with fame. Before this encounter, I really wasn't sure what -- if anything -- I had in common with Brad Pitt. Now I know.